Letter to myself

 Dear self ,

1) You need to love youself eventhough theres a few things u hate about yourself. E.g ; weight

2) Stop looking back , even if you are so curious.Because the past is in the past . There is no point in going back there. 

3) Things happen for a reason . And there’s a few things that you can’t control. Just let it go for the things that cannot be control. 

4) Just take a moment and stop over thinking stop analyse everything.

5) Do youself a favour. Eat Healthy , Workout and Save Money.

6) You don’t need anyone else to make you happy. You can make yourself happy.

7) Dekat kan diri dgn Allah . Byk kn berzikir dan berdoa. And jgn stop bljr and improve yourself.

Issue

 So we had an argument last night.

1) I ask where his money go and how much is the balance left.

I ask this question because, if i know how much money he have/left. Maybe that money can go buy for the next car or save for the next car.

My first plan is to save for reno and or child. I don't plan to save for buying the next car. I want to help him.But I also know that I cannot pay for everything and save for everything. And I don't expect him to do the same. I just thought if he have balance balance , he can save up to use that money for that car.

Ok then that time he told me how much money he left monthly after paying all the important stuff. And to me it is not enough, the amount that he told me is not even because he save up for wedding and also it is before deducting the food allowance. So i'm thinking what happen after wedding. Will that be enough  ?

Firstly that money can't even save up for car (save up for the next car) so meaning i need to help him save for the next car, and if I were to do that , I may not have enough money to save for reno. So saving for reno may need to on hold. And he are the one who said want to pay reno by cash, save up till we get the bto . We don't even plan to take loan. 

2) Everytime I ask him question he thought I assume. Oklh i think that way , I just ask. So just freaking reply to that question . Why need to say I assume. 

Our Argument

‪What I’ve learnt/notice from our argument today: ‬

‪1) He sometimes don’t want to go out with me but always say why never ask him to join me & my friend go out.‬

‪(His Reason)‬
‪I have money to go out with my friend‬
‪but with him i have no money‬

‪(My reason)‬
‪I always go out wit‬h him & We didn’t plan ahead properly.
With my friends, It’s not frequently for me to go out with them & we plan our date n plan ahead.

2) After his nightshift, we went out just now. He is not happy with me cause I eat slow & didn’t think that he want to go home faster ,wash up & sleep. And last min I ask him to accompany me to find things for my friend.

(My reason)
I always eat in slow pace & if I feel rushed, i will give up to finish up my food & stop right away or soon. & he did not tell me to eat faster / want to go home faster.

(My fault)
I didn’t think about it or think it through about him/what he feel after nightshift and went out with me.I assumed that when he did not tell me anything or ask me anything, he is ok to just accompany me & is ok for me to takes time to finish up my food & also i take every chances that I have to spent time & more time with him .My fault to not think through & my fault to assume.

(What I feel)

I felt happy at that time & after it . I feel sad that he actually not ok about it & i feel heartbroken that in front of me he seems ok about it but at night at home he told me all this afterwards.I feel like whatever I felt before that , which is happy , it shouldn’t be. Cause I made a mistake and he actually not ok about it although he seems ok.It is like one sided. We did not feel the same thing about it.

(What I’ve leaned)

I should think about other people & think it through. Never assume . Never assumes it’s ok even when people didn’t say it.

(My next plan to do)

Never ask him & don’t ever go out with him during his first off  (after he’s nightshift) never , eventhough he agree to it in the first place .

He will be cranky & I will feel rushed. The end result will be both are not happy with each other and for me I’m not happy with myself too. I regret it.Cause I’ve made the first move.

2019

2019 !

1 year with Zaki .
Our celebration took place at USS.

Current job is already 1 year 1 month and 8 days.

Oklh keje ok tp berlambak. skrg tgh ade course yg aku tk sbr nk end sbb da waste aku nya 2 weekends.Just look forward for 20 feb sbb tk keje and planning to go carnival.

Monday , will continue my 25 cases that pending. Not sure if I can finish it all before my leave.

2019 , a year that I need to start to be serious with my financial saving and my work.

All the best. 

I'm happy with my life

Alhamdulilah. 2018 has been so far so good to me.

I feel blessed and lucky with someone i am with now. Zaki is my happiness . Flashback to the day we actually " terserempak" between the Westgate and Jem. The day where he caught my eyes and suddently everything went slomotion .I'm glad that we met, we talked and start off as a friend and take things slow before we getting into a relationship . The day where we start talking, we slowly know about each other dislike and like . We get to share story with each other. At first when we start talking, my intention was just to make new friend and never thought we will be together and how i feel that we are match.But now after we get together on 5th January , I'm blessed that I get to know him and have him in my life. I know we only 2 month in rs with each other. But I want him to be my last and settle down with him.I love him so much.

Whatever happen in the future i hope we won't give up on each other and always work things out . May we always love and be together . In Syaa Allah .Amin

Be true to yourself or change to be better.

Sometimes i wonder.Should I just stay true to myself.So whatever I feel like as long as I happy.Or change to better. But change to be better doesn't mean you can't be yourself.Better version of yourself.It easy said than done.In Syaa Allah I can.

We Broke Up

It is sad to break your long relationship.Its not what I want tbh .Not I want in the first place.It is hard. If I follow my heart 8and don't really care abt what ppl said and what I think .I think I'm just gonna do whatever as long as our r/s last. But be true to yourself if you can make it or not. Don't force yourself too hard. Even if that what's good for you in some way.hmm..

Maybe slowly one day I can get over this.But it takes time.This love hurt.

Changes

Changes.

Some people change to be better, some to be worst and some just the same . Sometimes changes are good. And sometimes changes make us lose some friends because of our changes or vice versa. And if that person can't accept us it just gonna be difficult.

This time I'm gonna care less about what's that not matter.I'm gonna focus on what I love to do and what is more important to me.

I know sometime it is sad to have a changes.But we all grow up. And some people change, if we cannot fit together, maybe we just gonna distance ourself with one another.

Communication

Communication is very important . Without communication there will be less progression .
If you having a fight with your partner , communicate to each other is important. If you just gonna be silent then the silence can kill people slowly . Its hurt . If you not happy about it , just say it .  Learnt to communicate. Don't ignore things that happened . What I'm talking here is about relationship. To me ignoring someone is very rude. It make them waiting for your reply. Making them thinking about it constantly .How hard it is for that person to just carry on , he or she will still be thinking . Cause silence really kill . So what I'm trying to say is , if you not happy with anyone or get a fight with anyone , then don't just be silent. Ok maybe silent for abit its okay. But try to solve the problem by slow talk with that person.Both parties need to communicate with each other. Don't ignore the messages . Talk it out. Ok so yeah that's all for today .

Goodnight.

NT

Nur Thaqifah

Worth the wait

Its been awhile since the last time i post this blog. Everything are going so well and i am so happy with my life.

So the 8 months tht i didn't see and talk to him has ended.Actually it ended a month ago . So we started talking on the 1st september . Of coz he is the one who start the conversation and  I am so so so happy tht we are back together . Alhamdulilah .The wait are really worth it because i got back my man .hehe.

Let me update my life . Now i'm currently unemployed because I've ended my work life(for now) on 31st September and I'm gonna persue my studies  . Taking Diploma in I.T and the class will start on 17 October 2016. Wuu 1 more week . So fast .

Ok i should probably get to sleep now. Goodnight.

"Do not waste time in life "

Goodnight

Feeling good

14 Aug 2016

My looks for today

  

It feels so good to go out somewhere that I've never been before  . It has been a while since the last time I went around in Malaysia without my family and went to the places besides Aeon , Tesco and Giant. I love to go out explore new places and try new things . 

 So today I went out for lunch with my colleague and her family. They were very kind to fetch me from my house and bring me to one of this stall that sells  Indo foods like Mee Bakso and Ayam Penyet. Then we found out the stall that are near to my  house were close on Sunday . Then she decided to go the one that are near to Angsana shopping mall.

So I ordered Mee Ayam Bakso and Teh Ice . It taste great. And I also tried the Satay Padang . Spicy..but taste delicious .I love the gravy and the chicken .Then we went to Aeon to buy some groceries then she sent me home. 

I thought things like this would not happen again .Like going out in Malaysia with my friend and try new foods.Cause the last time I have a neighbor who are Singaporean and they like to bring me around Malaysia to try cheap and good foods. It was back in 2014 & 2015 where I get to explore to new places that i have never been to . I went to Pasar Pandan ,Dangga Bay and more . We went holiday together , watch movies , did activities together , went for breakfast , lunch and dinner.. it was so much fun . And I miss all of it. So they went back to their old house . Back to Singapore and another one back to Australia. 

Even though I just went out for lunch with my colleague .but for me it feels great to be able to go out again in Malaysia and explore and try something new . Rather then staying at home. But I still love staying home alone tho. Doing laundry , did some home chores watch Youtube videos have some alone time.Sometimes i did went out with my family after work or on the weekend.

But my favorite  will be going out exploring , see the world , walk , sweat ..cause it make me feel healthy and it is good to have fun outside. Cause went i'm tired walking and all . At night its easier for me to go to sleep . And just feels great. Hopefully things like this occur more often.

Till then .. Goodnight ;)

Its hard for me to forget the person that really mean alot to me.Sometimes I felt like i really need to let it go .But its so hard for me. I tried but it keep turning back .I don't know why but sometimes I feel that he is inside of me.Inside of my heart. Lock and safe in there. Sometimes I felt like he is always there talking to me. It seems like I really can't forget about him .5 years .
5 years I've been with him.Its a long period of time. Alot of things we have went through .I miss him . There is a time I imagine what if one day he msg me .tell me that he miss me too.but it just my imagination.but if it were to happen.I'll be the most happiest person.

But I don't know .idk if he's still have a feeling towards me or not.if he can accept me for who I am without asking me to change to be a different person.I want someone to love me for me .not changing me to be the one that I'm not.I know I should not put hopes. I just wish we can back together again like we used to be. If he's move on .tell me.so it be easier or it will help me to not have feeling towards him anymore.

But I think for now I should just focus for my future and improve to be a better person.

If he is not for me .I accept it and moving on.If yes then I'm happy of course.

Yeah so thats all. Just hoping for the better. IN SYAA ALLAH.Amin.

goodnight 🌌

😌

Slowly it will fade away ..

Reminder to myself

Lesson learnt for the month of June .

1)Not to trust people easily.

2)Sometimes we need to put ourself first before others.

3)Don't easily fall for people.

4)Be positve for things that happen. Cause maybe better things might be coming.

Be strong. In Syaa Allah everything will be okay and better. Goodnight😉🌌

Alhamdulilah . I feel really happy with my work , my work place and all .

I just HATE it

I hate it so much

When someone came into my life. Entered my heart , took my heart and ripped it off. Like wth must u do that to me. Don't dare to come in my life and do that. I hate it. PLUS my heart is already broken .Someone made a hole in heart. Then I fixed it . But there still a scars .

So i moving on after healing it . Then some came in my life and made it better. But does not stayed long enough.  And just left me hanging and made me confuse .

I thought i have a chance to be happy again .To be someone that can make me happy .but it just make it worse.

Made me not to be in love all over again . I felt like they take me for granted.not appreciated .

I felt hopeless. I felt heart broken.
I should not trust anyone. It just make me hurt.

I know that the new someone and me do not have any attachment. Not in relationship. But that person gave me hope .and the one that giving ,are the one who crush it.

I don't care if tht person do not like me or not.but do not give hope at the first place. And i know i shouldn't put hopes on him..but don't just ignore me.ignore my messages. It just hurt to be ignored.Atleast give me some explanation .

Hais.. I'm tired. I'm tired with all this bullshit. This thing should be stop and not to be repeated.

That's it . I'm done.Its enough. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I should Be more Careful . I should stop being too nice to people.coz the one that I cared too much are the one who hurts me the most.

They are not worth to be cared for.Sometimes I need to be selfish .To care for ownself. Put myself first before others.Learn to love myself first.To care for my own heart.and I don't want to hurt myself anymore.

Its more than enough .

Learnt.move on . And improve.


That's it.

Goodnight.

To the Galaxy🌌

Things to do .

Making my self happy/busy.

So besides 5 days a week working days (Sometime 6 if I want to do OT on Saturday) I want to make one or two days of a ME time.

So here a list of things that I want to do.

Saturday(if I'm not working)

Its a day for me to make things done .

-doing the laundary

-clean up my room , my kitchen and my living room .

-mop &sweep the floor

-give food , change water and litter for the cats

-do some workout/yoga

Then.. I watch videos go to social media.


Then Sunday

-continue doing the balance of laudary

-cleaning

-give food ,drinks and change litter for cats

-do more workout

-read books

-gain some knowledge

-go to social media.

And thats it for the weekend.




Really need to pull myself up . Improve .
Reminding myself not to care for someone that does not care for me and something that just gonna waste my time or hurt my feelings even more.

So yeah that's about it. Gooooooooodnight 🌉n sweetdreams🌌